Fickle like you

Like you, I started this tournament wanting South Africa to do well. I was charmed by the country and by the team. Let's face it, we both were, what's not to like about Siphiwe Tshabalala and his enthusiastic team-mates? With the media force feeding us images of cheerful township children through a tube, we all shared in the disappointment as their victory over the French proved too little too late.

Few people know more about 'Puppy Love' than 52-year-old American entertainer Donny Osmond. I wasn't able to reach Donny for a comment but I do feel confident, with hindsight, that my passion for the Bafana Bafana was nothing more than naive infatuation. Like an overdue pregnant woman desperate to go into labour, I quickly turned to Chile.

We didn't choose Chile, they chose us. There's something wonderful about a team that plays such a uniquely gung-ho 3-3-1-3 formation, and with such passion, flair and abandon. They were the better team against Spain and Brazil for large parts, but the same naivety that caused us to fall in love with them inevitably let them down. They're a young squad and they'll be back in 4 years with more experience, but will age and experience blunten their beauty? Just ask Michael Jackson or Brittany Spears, may they rest in peace. Justin Bieber is the new kid on the block, and Ghana are the fresh faced pony we'll all get behind next.

When North Korea named their World Cup squad, striker Kim Myong-won was named as their 3rd choice goalkeeper. A bold move, who uses 3 goalkeepers anyway? Better to have an extra striker on the bench who can operate as a 3rd 'keeper if need be. Famously, this ploy backfired as FIFA decided in their infinite wisdom that 'The Chariot' could only be deployed as a goalkeeper. No such problems for Uruguay whose 4th choice goalkeeper, Luis Suarez, also happens to be one of the world's most in-demand young strikers, current Dutch player of the Year and Eredivisie top goalscorer. 

When Luis Suarez saved Dominic Adiyiah's goal-bound effort in the final minute of 2nd half stoppage time he was not officially a goalkeeper. It was a villainous, albeit instinctive, act which broke a billion hearts. Just like the French with their handball or their devastating consolation goal, just like the Germans with their questionable approach to international recruitment, just like FIFA with their erratic officials; Suarez has disappointed not just a nation, but us - the neutral.

Uruguay are now ineligible for underdog support, and with other semi-finalists Spain, Germany and Holland being somewhat heavyweights it is difficult to know where we fickle few should now pledge our allegiance. Of the eligible trio, Germany would seem the obvious choice, the young 'Germans' are playing the best football in the competition, and with a squad of largely unknown domestic based youngsters. But have Germany had too much 'luck' to garner neural support? Is it possible to love, or even like Germany? The Spanish are supposed to be the best footballing side in the world, but accommodating a half-fit Fernando Torres has slowly dulled the team and it is hard to find the same enthusiasm we had 2 years ago. The Dutch then it must be. We are supporting the Dutch, conquerors of the mighty Brazil and the only team left in the competition with a 100% record. Hardly the underdogs, but the selection by default.

Balls over technology

Was that a goal?

In the 2002 World Cup, reigning World and European champions; France surprised everyone by finishing bottom of their group and failing to score a single goal. Having qualified automatically as holders, many blamed their underachievement on the fact that they had not played a competitive game for 2 years. Following the tournament FIFA President Sepp Blatter announced that holders would no longer qualify automatically for the World Cup.

Sepp Blatter is not in favour of bringing video technology into football because "if science likes that comes into football then we will have no discussions." He is reluctant to make changes to the rules that will be impossible to implement at grass roots level and retains the belief that "introducing video technology into football will result in the type of artificial intelligence-lead apocalypse documented in the Terminator films."

Most England fans this morning, if asked, would be fervently in favour of video technology. We need a scapegoat following footballing failure, and who better to blame than 'The Man'. The Man, in this case, being FIFA. England's 'Golden Generation' again go home from a World Cup empty handed and open hearted, with the oldest squad in the competition it's safe to say that most of them will not be back.

But is footballing success for our national side worth risking the possibility of a future where heavily armed cyborgs seek to destroy the human race? That's not for me to decide. Given the choice right now I would probably say "Yes", but perhaps that's why I'm not the president of FIFA.

France's 2002 failure was not only down to their not having played a competitive game for 2 years, their awesome 'golden generation' was made up of players largely born in the late 60's or early 70's and continued success meant that there was now a lost generation of players behind them who had barely had a sniff of international football. Claude Makelele for example (a player so influential in modern football he has a position named after him 'The Makelele Role') was 29 leading into that tournament and had only 14 caps. France were a victim of their own success and, having failed to blood younger options, they arrived with a team of thirtysomethings and crashed spectacularly.

England are not victims of their own success, although they are in danger of making a similar mistake. Fabio Capello picked the oldest squad at this World Cup because he prefers experience. Despite this experience, England committed 8 players forward for a direct free-kick that Lampard was to take. Frank Lampard is very good at football, but experience has taught me that when offered a direct free-kick in a shooting position, Frank Lampard doesn't tend to pass to a team-mate.

Frank Lampard will be 36 at the next World Cup, it is time for him to retire from international football, but he is not this year's scapegoat. James, Green, Upson, Carragher, King, Wright-Phillips, Beckham, Carrick, Defoe and Heskey should all join him and provide opportunities for the next generation. Clinically, there are younger players of similar ability who would not noticeably dilute the squad.

The English media want to give their waiting public a scapegoat, the Uruguayan linesman cannot be realistically daemonised, he was perfectly positioned to judge for any offside when England's 'goal' was scored, but the angle was perhaps not best suited for judging whether the ball was over the line or not, and he cannot be expected to be in two places at once - he's not a cyborg from the future. Usually the morally ambiguous John Terry would be the default scapegoat, but his recent media charm offensive and neo-iconic attempt to stop a shot with his face against Slovenia has neutralised popular opinion, so much so that, when the press last week pencilled-in Fabio Capello as this years scapegoat, Terry was bold enough to admit disquiet towards his manager on the record.

A World Cup match between England and Germany is a big deal and so, after the mandatory post-game television interviews, Capello was seated before the crème of England's written press. We didn't get to where we are today by being shy/retiring types, and the Italian was forced to endure an incessant stream of stand-up bollockings from a tightly packed room of men who understand or influence English football and public opinion better than he. "We don't want you. Resign or we will make your life unbearable" was the explicit subtext. Potential scapegoats Gareth Barry, Robert Green, John Terry, Emile Heskey, Mauricio Espinosa and Wayne Rooney can breathe a sign of relief, it's a two-horse race between Capello and FIFA.

Capello's saviour may have arrived an hour later, as the Argentina/Mexico game provided similar controversy. A Carlos Tevez header put Argentina ahead but while the Mexican players surrounded the referee and linesman, a replay of the goal was played on the stadium monitors - showing Tevez to be offside. It was too late; the goal had already been given and, even though officials had seen that they were wrong, FIFA rules meant the decision could not be changed. More pressure for FIFA as a worldwide audience sees two vital games decided by incorrect decisions that technology would have rectified.

Let England learn from this, video replay or not, Germany were the better side with the third youngest squad at the tournament. If England fans want to campaign for reform it should be The F.A, and not FIFA where they set their sights. A future with the likes of Adam Johnson and Joe Hart must be infinitely preferable to a future of robot assassins.

Chile add spice to a mixed bag of 16

Of the 16 best teams in the world, according to FIFA rankings, only 9 made it through to the last 16 of the World Cup. Egypt, Russia and Croatia failed to qualify for the tournament proper while Serbia, Greece, France and Italy couldn't make it past the group stages. So then, the last 16 of the World Cup contains 7 nations who aren't "officially" in the best 16....yet. So who are they and what are they for? 

EL TRI TODAVIA QUE CRECE

With their unique 3-4-3 formation, deploying two advanced wide strikers either side of an deep centre-forward, Mexico are an interesting side to watch and a difficult challenge for defences. With an emphasis on attack their movement and organisation means 'El Tri' games are always good spectacles. Most impressive has been Giovanni dos Santos who has been a revelation from the young man who struggled to make an impact at Barcelona and Tottenham. Experienced captain Rafael Marquez is pivotal to the team's tactical shape, operating as a defensive midfielder, centre-back and, at times, playmaker rolled into one. Finishing 2nd to Uruguay and so eliminating France and South Africa the Mexican's reward is a tie with the equally zealous Argentina, a game which promises nothing if not goals. 

ASIAN BABES

Something of an unknown quantity coming into the tournament, with the majority of their squad taken from the East-Asian leagues, South Korea at 47th are the lowliest ranked side to qualify for the knock-out stages. The antithesis of Mexico, they are a athletic, defensive side who invite their opponents to attack before hitting them quickly and with numbers on the counter. They qualified with Argentina from Group B, profiting from an ambitiousness Greece and a Nigeria side in disarray. Football already knew about Park Ji-Sung,but exciting youngsters Lee Chung-Yong and Ki Sung-Yueng have done plenty to improve their fledgling reputations. The Tigers of Asia will face a sterner test this afternoon when they face in-form Diego Forlan's Uruguay.

MICHAEL WHO?

Ranked 32 and arriving at the tournament without their inspirational captain and 11th best African player of all time; Michael Essien, Ghana are by FIFA's estimations the 5th best African side at the tournament and the 4th best team in Group D. Probably the best 'footballing' African nation, Ghana can count themselves a little lucky to have made it through, both their goals so far coming from the penalty spot, and against sides reduced to 10-men. The absense of Essien has allowed German defector, débutante Kevin Prince-Boateng to shine in central midfield, while the performances of midfield destroyer Anthony Annan wont have gone unnoticed by the top European clubs. Qualifying ahead of Australia and Serbia on goal difference, the only African side left in Africa's first World Cup have a very winnable tie against the USA this evening. 

SUPPLIES!

Another big surprise out of East Asia as the pragmatic Japanese qualify behind Holland in Group E. Fielding a 4-1-4-1 which becomes a 4-6-0 when not in possession, Japan aim to frustrate their opposition. Defender Tulio Tunako has been particularly outstanding while in Keisuke Honda and Daisuke Matsui they have two emerging attacking stars of the competition. Ranked 47 in the world, and 4th in their group they will play Paraguay on Tuesday afternoon for a place in the Quarter-finals.

SLOVAKATTACK

Darkhorses Slovakia, playing at their first World Cup, progress at the expense of Italy. After disappointing displays against New Zealand and Paraguay saw them facing elimination, a stunning 3-2 win against the holders saw Vladimir Weiss' young side progress 2nd in Group with centre forward Robert Vittek rightly taking the plaudits. Marek Hamsik still needs to up his game though, as the advanced playmaker in their 4-2-3-1 system he is pivotal and a repeat of the team's early performances will see them easy prey for Holland on Monday.

DREAM OF CHILEFORNICATION

Chile are the most exciting team at this World Cup. That may only be an opinion, but it is also a fact. They play with a seemingly reckless 3-3-1-3 formation, which relies heavily on the work-rate of the seven attacking players to help out their three lonely defenders. When it works it looks brilliant and, despite only beating Honduras and New Zealand 1-0, they dazzled us with their movement, passing, flair and incision. The worry was though; how will this gung-ho approach stand up when they face a bigger, better attacking side. Leaving yourself exposed at the back and getting away with it against Switzerland and Honduras is one thing, but if you drop the soap too often against the top teams you will find yourself ruthlessly penalised. A goalkeeping blunder and a soft red card contributed to a final group stage defeat to Spain but a draw between Switzerland and Hondourus saw them qualify from Group H in 2nd place. Former Colo-Colo wonderkids Mathias Fernandez and Alexis Sanchez have done plenty to improve their already excellent reputations, though the outstanding find of the tournament so far must surely be Club America winger Jean Beausejour. Brazil awaits on Monday evening.

Find out what to think: here

Oh no! Hooray! England are out of through to the next round of the World Cup. Fabio Capello should be sacked praised for his ridiculous bold team changes that saw his side succumb romp to grind out a narrow convincing devastating defeat victory. England are not going to win the World Cup

Out but not down

Ghana will carry the flag for Africa in the knockout stages of Africa's first World Cup after Nigeria, Algeria and hosts South Africa joined Cameroon in failing to qualify from the group stages. Ivory Coast can still qualify mathematically, but it would take an unlikely 10-goal swing for them with Sven's side needing to match or better Portugal's 7-0 thrashing of North Korea with already qualified Brazil beating Portugal by 3 or more goals.

South Africa's elimination was of course the most disappointing, 2-0 up against 10-man France by half-time, and with Uruguay leading against Mexico, we looked well on course for a fairytale. France were long dead and buried, having had Yoann Gourcuff sent off for a flailing elbow their chances of qualification were long gone, but that wouldn't stop them from giving South Africa one last kick in the balls.

With Bafana Bafana committing more and more players forward in search of a 3rd and 4th goal that would bring them level with Mexico, Franck Ribery - one of the few French players who looked as if he was trying - was able to exploit the spaces in the South African defence allowing Malouda a simple finish. It was 5:30 pm and the sun had just set over Johannesburg, and over the hosts chances of progression. Like the uninvited party guest who makes a fuss, embarrasses themself before taking a dump in the linen closet and smashing a vase, France go home with their tails between their legs - and good riddance.

But hope springs eternal and out of the ashes of the Bafana fans grows new life, enthusiasm reborn for Ghana, Brazil, Portugal and England. The rainbow nation will still be continuing with their colourful and vibrant support of this tournament, while their players, team and fans have found several new admirers.

They call me mellow yellow

"The cheapest motel in Africa" boasted a large painted sign above my head. Alarm bells were ringing, both metaphorically and literally "Oh Well" I thought to myself "If nothing else it'll be something different for me to write about. I'm sure both of my readers would like a break from hearing about the Mexican formation or England's defensive crisis"

So what does R150 (about £13.50) buy you in the way of accommodation in Johannesburg? It wasn't difficult to see where corners had been cut, even to my untrained eye. A large grey compound surrounded by 40ft high chain link fencing was home to 40 or 50 small chalet like temporary bedrooms, each with it's own front door, window and bathroom. I opened my door as wide as it would go before squeezing through to survey what would be my home for the next 12 hours.

The room itself was just about big enough to fit a double bed into, although how they managed it I'll never know - perhaps it was lifted in through the roof. The sheets on the bed, as you might expect, were not in absolutely mint condition. Presumably once white, they reeked of urine and Marmite and had been uniquely customised throughout their lifetime with yellow, red and brown stains of all shapes and sizes. For £13 I wasn't going to complain, my sheets at home aren't much better. Astonishingly, somehow the curtains matched the bedding.

Investigating the bathroom was next on my list, if I was going to sleep in the same room as that bed I would need a jolly good wash in the morning. I wasn't expecting much but was curious as to what I might find. What I did find was not that exciting; a sink with a bar of well used soap in it - not to worry I had a bad full of pilfered hotel and aeroplane complementaries. The toilet was home to what appeared to be half a Twix, floating in it's own shallow gravy. "I'm not eating that" I thought, and flushed it away.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself, if you believe Franklin D Roosevelt. I don't know whether Roosevelt ever stayed at "The cheapest motel in Africa" and looked out of the bathroom window to see a group of shirtless Nigerian men carry automatic weaponry. I have and I did, let me tell you it wasn't fear that I was afraid of. It was the men with guns. "This could be it" I thought to myself. If I was going to be murdered, robbed, raped or ridiculed it would be here. Desperately trying to remember which religion I was, I pushed the bed against the door and waited for death, sleep or morning.