I'm Willy Wonka and you're taking a shit in my chocolate factory

It's been a forgettable opening week on the pitch as we've been subjected to some nervy listless performances, with perennial contenders from the "maybe" pile France, England, Holland, Argentina and Italy less than impressive. Hope on the horizon lay in the form of Portugal against Ivory Coast, Cristiano Ronaldo vs Didier Drogba and as the game sprang into life after 6 minutes, Cristiano Ronaldo with a trademark display of skill and a shot that hit the post, I felt justified in my optimism. The World Cup starts here, a game fit for the knockout stages.

But again the game proved to be something of a snoozefest, Sven-Goran Eriksson has reorganised this Ivory Coast team and they are a much more conservative side than you might have seen at the African Cup of Nations or previous World Cups. With Drogba fit only for the bench, Lille winger Gervinho was selected up front with support from the diminutive Kalou and Dindane, the defence pressed high up the pitch behind three deep lying ball-winning midifelders - it was clear that the plan was to deny time and space to the Portuguese with men behind the ball. An orange forcefield rather than a parked bus.

The initiative then would lie with Portugal, but with once would-be match-winner Deco now little more than a mascot-cum-passenger and £80m FIFA World Player of the Year Ronaldo targeted for kicks, bumps and gamesmanship tomfoolery the game was a stalemate. A packed midfield and tightly marked fullbacks Portugal didn't look to spring the Ivory Coast defensive line and there was very little space or time for them to create anything. We would have to wait for Drogba's introduction 

If the introduction of Drogba did nothing else it at least lifted the crowd, aside from Ronaldo's early effort there had been little to get excited about, so the late introduction of Africa's Footballer of the Year to Africa's first World Cup at least ensured that everyone inside Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium was awake. His presence up front for Ivory Coast improved the game and gave them a better focal point than the 5ft 10 Gervinho, but he was a bit off the pace, perhaps tentatively protecting his arm which was in a cast after he fractured it it a warm up game against Japan. Another draw then, another 0-0. Tactical victory for Sven and an interesting clash but far from exiting.

The draw means that Ghana are the only African side to take a win from these first round of group games, Ivory Coast though remain Africa's best chance of success at this tournament, but drawn in the 'Group of Death' with Brazil they will need to show more if they are to make the next stage.